A new present arriving in a few days:
Between a bonus I got at work (consisting of an Amazon gift certificate), birthday monkeys, and an Amazon 5% off code (“SAVECUSTAPPR” at checkout), I am getting the $550 MSRP camera for just a touch over $100, including speedy shipping. Through some kind of manufacturing magic with concepts dating back to Eli Whitney in 1799, it seems that some of the parts (including the replacement battery I got a few years ago) are interchangeable between my existing crappy camera (a first generation Elph that is about 6 years old) and this one.
Now I will be able to play with the exposure and take spooky low-light indoor pictures like all the cool kids. I will also be able to take a nauseating number of hours of video of the kitties. Watch out!