The geometry of butter

BrianEnigma: Oregon has crappy butter geometry.

I tweeted that earlier tonight and expect some amount of confusion. Sticks of butter across the country all have the same volume. You go to the store, you buy 16oz of butter, and you get four sticks of 4oz. In the rest of the country, the sticks are long and skinny. Here, it seems that some sort of legislation is in place to enforce the maximum annoyance factor possible because the sticks are short and stubby.

“Well, what does it matter? You’re still getting the same amount of butter, right?”

It matters because all butter dishes seem to be specifically engineered for the long, skinny sticks. Case in point: tonight (although it has happened a half-dozen times in the past), I lifted the cover of the butter dish to get at the buttery goodness contained within–but it was gone! All used up? The buttery equivalent of the hamburgular? Though… why was the cover more heavy than usual? *splat* The butter, which being taller than “regular” sticks, had melted itself to the cover and lifting it at an angle had provided just enough jostling for it to become free. And so it hit the counter.

Damn our butter geometry. And damn the lack of butter dishes to accommodate our fat, stubby butter sticks.

Posted in: Dear Diary Food Portland

4 thoughts on “The geometry of butter”

  1. This may be a West Coast thing? I recall the butter in California being the same shape as butter here in Oregon. Except for the butter under the Land-o-Lakes brand, which I held in special regard due to the elongated form and the fractal regression in the artwork. Okay, maybe also the knees-become breasts modification.

  2. I don’t remember “fat” butter in California, but that’s not to say it isn’t there. I think I remember the thinner sticks, but never actually owned a butter dish until finding myself in Oregon, so it’s possible I had them and didn’t notice. And growing up with my parents, we only had margarine. Blech!

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