A Rude Awakening

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This morning, I discovered the best alarm clock ever. It is an alarm clock that wakes you up without having to hit the “sleep” button a half-dozen times. This new-fangled alarm clock is pretty simple–it is analog, but has no moving parts. Yes, this morning, I woke up to a steamin' pile of slightly-liquid shit on my chest. There is no option to roll over and go back to sleep.

I even managed to get poo in my hair. Somehow between the time Kate got up and I was rudely awakened, the door to the bedroom got shut. By the time the kitties decided to wake up, they could not get to the bedroom. I do have to admit that in retrospect, The Precious was acting a little strange, but I only got snippets of it because I was trying to not wake up. I guess she was trying to find a place to go, since I heard her trying (and failing) to prepare a little hole to take a dump in, like she does in the cat box. She tried and failed with a closed cardboard box of clothes, with the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, with the paper bag the two of them play in. She was even scratching at the door a bit. Finally she settled down on the comforter at my chest and did her little kitty scratching thing–which I figured at the time was her building a “nest,” but ended up being her building a place to poo. A few minutes later, a electrical impulse went directly from my nose to my eyelids without first passing through the brain–much like instant pain reflex.

The day started to look brighter when somebody on NPR used the words “nutcracker” and “wang” in the same sentence.

P.S. I forgot to mention the several times I came this —><--- close to puking.

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