Sinatra was swinging/All the drunks they were singing

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A shocking realization: What kind of society markets living creatures as toys for children, knowing that after a few weeks the living creatures will very likely be all dead? What kind of society markets a brine shrimp as a pet?

Census data for Sea-ciety at work (time line is approximate, as I never bothered to take good notes):

  • First week, about 10. All little babies, swimming around, zigging and zagging. Take off every zig.
  • Week two, zero. Everybody’s dead. Everybody’s dead, Dave. Everybody IS dead, Dave. EVERYBODY is dead, Dave. Everybody is dead, DAVE.
    Mid week two: Still zero. No spontaneous life. Flush. Reset. Fortunately, I had an extra packet of eggs lying around that I had not yet made into a Sea-Monkey egg omelet.
  • End week two, about 15. More babies zigging and zagging and carrying on.
    Week three: Population ONE Only one made it through the weekend, but that mo’fo was HUGE. It was as BIG as my HEAD (if I were a midget that only stood about a centimeter or two tall). I think some sort of Sea-Monkey fusion occurred over the weekend. If this ends up being true, I could have discovered the elusive room temperature fusion! I could get a Nobel prize for that! Think of how many Sea-Monkeys I could buy with the prize money! I could fill a swimming pool and swim around with them!
  • End week three: Populate THREE! Yes, two Sea-Monkeys from the colony at home (population, about 40) hopped into the Sea-Monkey watch, then defected to the colony at work.
  • Beginning week four: Population TWO! Huh? Okay, whatever. This was after I gave them a Halogen lamp, as I do not think they were getting enough light over the weekends and committing suicide because of the resulting depression, but still one died. The one that moved in became as friggin’ huge as the other, though. How that happened so fast, I do not know.
  • Week five: Population THREE! Even though the two that where in there were huge and male, somehow a little baby appeared. Personally, I think it was an adopted baby (“gay-bee”) in an alternative relationship–a “my two dads” sort of scenario.
  • Mid week five: Population FOUR! Double-HUH?! The little one has an even smaller sibling. I am sincerely hoping this is another adopted Sea-Monkey. I do not know if the preexisting little one is male or female, but I might have to pull the plug on the whole colony (literally!) if they start coming up with moral values like “incest is best.” I am going to have to monitor their ethics and morals very closely. I may have to get real close to the tank, take on the role of The Giant Human Head, and issue commandments down upon them. I really hope it does not come down to that, though. I am pretty bad at being a deity, even a minor one.

On the bright side, my sea-ciety went from 20 to zero to four. Vegemite Lover’s Ant Far started with a population of one and has no queen. Something tells me the ants will have a much more difficult time adopting than the Sea-Monkeys.

Posted in: Dear Diary

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