Down in the park with a friend called five

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Things discovered while housecleaning:

  • a map of Tibet
  • several books about Alan Turing
  • several books by the guy who wrote Fight Club (Chuck P-something)
  • a black, bulbous scary looking spider, about the size of a small cockroach
  • Guinness
  • an old Ikea catalog
  • the fact that the skin on my my fingers hurts after using the nasty cleaning products on the stove
  • marbles
  • the fact that I have no idea how to clean an oven. I would assume just like any other thing, but ovens have a special “clean” setting and special cleaning stuff you can get at the store, which leads me to believe you somehow clean them when they are on or something. I know I heard somewhere about turning on the gas and sticking your head in the oven. Maybe that is the first step 😉
  • stock options for AltaVista, now worthless because they never went public, so I will probably leave them in the bathroom in case we run out of TP for my bunghole.
  • ancient Cliff bars — which are not that great when quote-unquote-fresh, much less expired earlier in the year
  • a Mickey Mouse Lego firetruck
  • lots and lots and lots of C-clamps (why??!!?)
  • a bottle of Newcastle that I poured down the sink, to discover there was a soaked piece of paper still in the bottle. Closer inspection showed that the circular piece of paper was actually a skin of mold that had grown thick at the top of the fluid.
  • marbles
  • a bunch of those cool hand-dipped candles that come as siamese twins, with one string/wick connecting two candles
  • a “push button for walk —>” sign, which is now affixed to the wall, using dissection T-pins, next to a pushbutton light-switch.
  • a bobble-head goth-girl
  • assorted loose Lego bricks
  • lots of baskets. I hate baskets.
  • plenty of stains on the carpets
  • a pair of drinking birds
  • a longing for two or more garden gnomes, the tackier the better
  • assorted munitions boxes

Yep, that’s about it. I am about ready to pop open a fresh, thick, cold Guinness and pop on some Delta Blues or a DVD or something… It is quickly approaching sleepy time for this monkey.

It’s a vampire monkey!

Posted in: Dear Diary

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