Last night was a surreal roller-coaster. I was looking forward to Kate and Lisa’s “Lindmann’s Philosophy Circle” later in the evening. Ordinarily, I do not know enough philosophy and poetry to keep up with them, but Kate was going to explain to Lisa some of the philosophy of Logic, which I already knew to a decent extent.
The evening started with the film “Donnie Darko.” I had been in a bit of a strange mood all day, and this video was sitting at the house waiting for Kate and I to watch. I was supposed to wait for Kate to see this, but something told me I had to see it–even though I really knew NOTHING about it or why I should not wait for Kate. (I still say “I’m sorry for not waiting,” Kate).
Boy, did that film strike a nerve. I am not talking about that in the conventional sense, either. A few things in there really hit close to home in ways I had not thought of since I was a kid. Scary emotional trauma, sure–but that is not uncommon in our modern world. Some of the dorky clothes that Donnie wore, I looked at and said to myself “Gee, I had a lame-ass t-shirt just like that. My parents got it for me from Hawaii or Catalina or something.” That was a little strange. What really hit me was a little later in the movie: the “liquid spears.” You see, before the drugs, before the pain, I was a kid. As a kid, randomly over a period that seems like maybe a month, I experienced something eerily similar. Of course, I never really understood it much, nor did I tell anyone, and eventually forgot about it. My time vectors were much little more human-shaped and less like liquid worms, almost as if people left blurry trailer images, but in front of them. They also did not tell me anything or allow me to see much more than a dozen or two seconds. I also did not have a “Philosophy of Time” book to consult.
Something about those scenes opened up some previously hidden memories, thoughts, and emotions. In retrospect, I was a little glad that I was alone, as it gave me private time to think and piece together some really strange memories. The next few hours were a bit of a daze. My body was mechanically going through motions, but there was no thought process behind it. Somehow, I managed to drive to the supermarket, obtain wine, cheese, crackers, dip, and celery, pay for it with an ATM card, and show up at the Girls’ house.
From that point on, I was in a daze for a short while longer, but ended up wrapped up in the fun of the evening. The mathy-math stuff went on for a little while (and during the tail end of that, I was able to nearly finish the LiveJournal cellphone project I have been working on), then the evening degenerated into wine-induced craziness. Brian C brought over painting supplies. I would have joined, but I did not have the right attire. Well, that, and my last quote-unquote-masterpiece “The Cactus Sees All” consisted of a desert landscape, a cactus, and a flying saucer abducting a stick figure man. Very Schwa. There was much rejoycing, hilarity, and silliness (especially over the name “Musty Dukes”). There was a hysterically funny/ironic incident that I feel I do not have the power to convey over this inter-webby-thing that I think I will probably remember forever along with Lisa, Brandon, and Kate. Eventually, being the narcoleptic I am, I fell asleep. The night was just sooooooo incredibly fun!
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get a second chance to go back and change things and whether or not I will take it. Sometimes I wonder if that has already happened–that maybe I was the one that was saved. I feel very lucky, fortunate, and live a good life. Large amounts of it are either directly or indirectly related to the past. When thinking about the past, present, and future as malleable, why are there so many moral dilemmas?