Running Around At 7 o’clock, Searching For A Crescent Wrench Merchant

by Brian Enigma on May 17, 2005 4:53am

in Dear Diary

Running Around At 7 o'clock, Search­ing For A Cres­cent Wrench Mer­chant
- or -
How I, With Great Effort And Per­sonal Expense, Saved $400

Pro­logue: The Break-In
About a year ago, some­one broke in to my car.  In the process they popped out the lock cylin­der in the driver's door.  This was not dev­as­tat­ing, but really annoy­ing.  The door could still lock, unlock, open, and close.  I never use the key any­way, in favor of the remote.  In fact, I did not imme­di­ately notice the lock cylin­der was miss­ing for a day or two.  Nei­ther vehi­cle nor renter's insur­ance cov­ered it, as it was just under the $500 deductible. 

Chap­ter 1: The Break-Off
Over the week­end, a lit­tle over a year after the break-in, as I went to open the door, the han­dle snapped off.  I looked down at the han­dle in my hand, up at Kim, and back down at the han­dle with a con­fused and annoyed look.  “This can't be good.  This can't be cheap.”  Over the week­end, it was not a big deal, as I always let Kim in the car first.  She could lean over and open the driver's side door from the inside han­dle.  Last night and today, it was less fun–requiring lean­ing in through the passenger's side to open the driver's door.

Chap­ter 2: The Fix
Again, I called around to check on the pos­si­bil­ity of a repair and again the quotes were the same.  This time, though, I was a lot more apt to do it myself.  You see, most of the war­ranties expired any­where from, maybe 8 months ago to a cou­ple of years ago.  I finally picked up the ser­vice man­ual a while back–something I should have done a while ago, but I was still bask­ing in the glory of a new car that some­body else will fix for free.  Replac­ing the outer han­dle and lock mech­a­nism really did seem like a sim­ple operation. 

I reserved the parts this morn­ing and picked them up at lunch.  After work, I sat down and started dis­as­sem­bling the nec­es­sary door pieces.  The inner panel came off.  The water­proof bar­rier was peeled back.  The old cylin­der pieces were retrieved and dis­carded.  The outer door han­dle was–OH CRAP, WHERE IS MY ADJUSTABLE CRESCENT WRENCH?

At this point, I cob­ble together enough of the door parts so that I can drive.  There were no but­tons to lock or unlock the door as well as roll down the win­dows.  I was just imag­in­ing scenarios–a cop pulls me over and is insis­tent upon me rolling down the win­dow; a hor­ri­ble acci­dent occurs, the door is jammed, the car is fill­ing with toxic smoke, and I can­not open the win­dow; etc.  Any­way, I pulled on the sharp, jutting-out piece of metal to swing the door closed and hoped I did not have to open a window. 

I pro­ceeded to drive to the nice hard­ware store down the street, Ankeny Hard­ware.  Kim and I stopped there over the week­end and one of the own­ers was work­ing there and helped us out a lot.  He was so nice, I fig­ured this would be my pri­mary hard­ware store from now on.  It was closed.  I went to the cor­po­rate chain hard­ware store on Hawthorne.  Closed.  Where the frag would I be able to find tools at 7:30pm on a week­day?  Fred Mayer!  Yes, I bought tools at the gro­cery store–the Port­land equiv­a­lent of Ralph's.

I ended up get­ting not only an adjustable cres­cent wrench, but some pli­ers and chan­nel lock pli­ers as well.  The only pli­ers I own are for del­i­cate elec­tron­ics work and I did not own channel-locks.  I fig­ured I might as well go a lit­tle over­board.  If it turned out the cres­cent wrench did not work, I really did not want to return to the gro­cery store to buy more tools.

For­tu­nately, this for­ward think­ing paid off.  Get­ting the door han­dle off was a pain in the rear.  The cres­cent wrench would have worked, had there been enough room for good lever­age.  The pur­chase of channel-locks was a won­der­ful thing, as I did not need to finesse proper lever­age space, but could sim­ply grab ahold and use brute force to undo the nasty bolts.

Removal (with the proper tools) was easy.  Rein­stal­la­tion of new parts proved to be more dif­fi­cult.  Inside your car door are a lot of rods and levers.  These are not ter­ri­bly com­plex if you are skilled in mechan­ics, but they are quite tense.  One rod had to be nav­i­gated over to the door han­dle.  The other had to go to the lock cylin­der.  Nei­ther were going to play nice, as they both had a lot of ten­sion behind them.  This is where trial and error came into play.  This is also where finesse over brute force came into play.

Once installed and tested, reassem­bling the door was easy.  I thought I would do one last set of tests once every­thing was reassem­bled, includ­ing the but­tons on the inside door panel for win­dows and locks.  I almost had a heart attack over the men­tal images of doing every­thing all over again when there was a prob­lem lock­ing the doors…until I real­ized that for this test­ing, I had the key in the igni­tion and there are some safety inter­lock smarts in the car that pre­vent you from lock­ing the door if the engine is off yet the keys are still in the ignition. 

Over­all, it was quite suc­cess­ful.  I would have a few sec­ond thoughts about doing it again, but did end up sav­ing a lot of money and time.  The only dif­fer­ence cur­rently is that the door han­dle is flat black, await­ing some paint detail­ing, whereas a pro­fes­sional job would have included the paint.  The parts for this were about $80, mean­ing the labor would have been around $400.  Con­sid­er­ing the whole oper­a­tion took a few hours, includ­ing “oh shit, I don't have the right tool” time, I now think I am in the wrong business.

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