Pen and Sword, in Accord

by Brian Enigma on September 27, 2001 1:37am

in Dear Diary

We were told a cou­ple of weeks ago that the ter­ror­ists are not smart or skilled enough to have chem­i­cal or bio­log­i­cal weapons. 

Ter­ror­ists

…These groups are gen­er­ally more con­cerned with caus­ing harm than gath­er­ing infor­ma­tion, so their tech­niques run more along the lines of denial of ser­vice and out­right destruc­tion.  While their long-term goals are usu­ally some­thing vaguely rea­son­able, like the reuni­fi­ca­tion of Gondawana­land or the return of all cows to the wild, their near-term goals are things like revenge, chaos, and blood-soaked pub­lic­ity.  Bomb­ings are a favorite; kid­nap­pings also work well.  It makes a big inter­na­tional splash but even­tu­ally these guys will fig­ure out that a lot more dam­age is done when O’Hare air traf­fic con­trol starts vec­tor­ing planes into each other.  Or that if they can hack the air­line reser­va­tion sys­tem to find out which 747 is tak­ing the con­gres­sional del­e­ga­tion to the south of France this sum­mer, their bomb­ings will be all that more effective.…and since ter­ror­ists gen­er­ally con­sider them­selves to be per­son­ally in a state of war, they have a very high risk-tolerance… 

Orga­nized Crime

…They have min­i­mal exper­tise, but can pur­chase it.  They have min­i­mal access,
but they can pur­chase it… 

–Secrets and Lies, Bruce Schneier

All of the above quotes were going through my head as the news reports and reas­sur­ances came in.  The ter­ror­ists are dumb.  The ter­ror­ists do not have the abil­ity to make chem­i­cal or bio­log­i­cal weapons.  The ter­ror­ists are backed by Osama Bin Laden.  Well, I have a lit­tle equa­tion for you: dumb + $ = pur­chased skills/intelligence. 

Just the other day, it was reported on NPR that now the ter­ror­ists are some­how con­nected with crop dusters.  Noth­ing to worry about, mind you.  We have it all under con­trol.  Go about your lives.  There were only about 16 ter­ror­ists.  They are all dead now.  Noth­ing to worry about.  We have 300 peo­ple con­nected with the ter­ror­ism in cus­tody, being ques­tioned, and are look­ing for 300 more.  Wait, what?  They don’t have any chem­i­cals or bio­log­i­cal agents to deploy, but they have crop dusters?!  There are only 16, but sud­denly there are 600? 

Should we make box cut­ters ille­gal now?  How about bad thoughts?  Ground the crop dusters!  Well, we kind of have this intel­li­gence that we for­got to men­tion until now that many of the coun­tries in the mid­dle east have access to anthrax, small­pox, bubonic plague, and mad cow dis­ease.  It kind of makes me happy to be a non-beef eater.  Most crops, hence most crop dusters, are in the midwest–with the cows.  Anthrax vac­cine any­one?  Oh, wait.  We don’t have enough for every­one in the nation.  Also, most peo­ple are vio­lently aller­gic to the vac­cine.  Nifty.  When Steven King’s vision The Stand becomes real­ity and every­one gets Cap’n Tripps, I won­der if I’ll go with Mis­ter Flagg to Vegas or the old lady to Col­orado?  I like Vegas. 

In unre­lated news, two peo­ple have died in acci­dents at Knotts Berry Farm in the past month.

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